Day 19: A Photo of Last Summer

**disclaimer**

This is a reprint of a post from last summer.  Seeing as how spring has sprung and the layers of clothing are being peeled off, many of us are assessing our post-winter figures.  The temptation to piss and moan about our muffin tops, to throw ourselves into exhausting and intense work-out regimens, to whittle our mealtime options to no white flour, no sugar, low carbs and no carbs is overwhelming.  I'm guilty of it myself. As a Weight Watchers vet, I know what works for me and what doesn't.  I know that while I my butt may not be molding itself to the couch while I shovel Doritos into my mouth with both hands, it's just as bad as using a 1/4 measuring cup for a serving of Chex Mix ---  three, four, and five times.  Fork to mouth doesn't exercise your biceps any more than couch to pantry exercises your quads.  The bottom line is, the weather's changing, my attitude is changing, too.

Martha's Vineyard
June 2009

Everyone has one -- that moment where they realize that the issue that gives them the biggest blow to their ego, to their self-esteem is just not worth fighting any more.

I hit mine this past week on vacation.  For longer than I care to remember, I've had my fair share of self-esteem/body image issues.  I don't know where it comes from, but I know I'm at the point where I'm moving past it.  I always dressed my for my size and I've tried to take care of myself the best way I can without denying myself the things that make me happy *cough*wine*cough*dessert*cough*

I dared to bare in a bikini while we were on vacation -- the first time since pre-parenthood.  I went through all sorts of mix and match tops and bottoms and even subjected my dear neighbor to a fashion show for an unbiased opinion.  No one was as worried about how I look more than I was.

But I'm tired of fighting the low feelings.  I'm not going to wear a burka at the seashore.  I'm not going to waste precious beach time comparing myself to every body, young and old, strolling down the sand.  I can't waste time worrying about it anymore.  So, I'm making the choice not to.

It's a great feeling. 

When I was pregnant with Morgan, I was looking for really powerful and empowering quotes for a project I wanted to create for her.  I found this quote by Naomi Wolf that truly drove home what I kind of mother I wanted to be for her, and now for Coever.

"A mother who radiates self-love and acceptance

 actually vaccinates her daughter against low self-esteem."

It's my job to continue to booster that inoculation, and I don't mind wearing a bikini to do so.