Getting the Message

I'm supposed to be studying and I've got dinner on the stove, but I had to get this down before I forgot. Week 3 of nursing school is in the books and my brain is thumping against every bone that comprises the skull! I'll spare you the names of the skull, but suffice it to say, there are quite a few. In any event, each passing day has found me a little less weepy, still just as stressed, but still getting up and putting one foot into my nursing uniform at a time -- and no, there won't be any photos of me in that finery at all.

I have asked for prayers of perseverance, peace of mind, fortitude, courage and determination from everyone I know. I have a great support system in DH, in my parents and brother, in my dear, dear friends and family. My 87 year old grandmother told me to go ahead and cry out my stress because, "that's what I do, and then I feel better, and then I just keep it moving." I refuse to have a pity party for myself because I'm tired or because I'm a mom or because I want to be doing something else. What I really want is to be a nurse. It took me some time to arrive at this conclusion; it's going to take me some time to arrive at my goal. I just have to keep telling myself that.

I've put a lot of request out there for folks to send me positive energy and to think of me and hold me up to the light and all of those things. Truly, I am so grateful. What's more is that I see how diligent everyone has been with their support. It's overwhelming and humbling. It make me want to do even better than I already plan to do.

There have been days in the last three weeks where I have really wondered what I'm doing getting up at 4:30 in the morning to study and then be out the door by 6:15am to spend the whole day in the lab and library. I was getting Mo ready for school the other day and was telling her that I had school that day, too. I mentioned how I was nervous about school and she asked me why. I said, "Well, there are a lot of new things to learn and I'm a little scared." She looks at me and says, "Mom, don't be afraid to try something new." Out of the mouths of babes, right? But that's what I mean -- just when I feel like I'm about to hit a wall or fall flat on my face, I get a message. It's an off the cuff remark from a 4 year old or an encouragement card in the mailbox from a friend a quick thinking of you note email from a buddy.

When I verbalize to myself (yes, I talk to myself) what my anxieties are, what keeps me up at night, and whether or not I can suck it up and just keep pushing, I get a message -- a phone call, a card, a text, someone is thinking of me, thinking that I am the bee's knees and am capable of so much more than I give myself credit for. It's like being re-charged and I'm able to keep moving forward.

My train of thought is getting derailed (probably because dinner is going up in smoke), so what I really want to say isn't coming out as fluidly as I'd like. Ultimately, I am working harder than I have in a long while, exercising my brain in ways that I haven't before, and balancing a number of responsibilities on my shoulders. Still, my support system is immense, incredible and indispensable. My drive and desire to do well and graduate in two years is strong. Having that knowledge and power on my side, there is nothing I can't accomplish.